Conception

“Getting to the bottom of memory is like having a secret you share with a person inside. Small looks, gestures, nods to appreciate a moment unnoticed by others. But can you contain a memory only within yourself? And is there anything you could hide away from the rest of you? We try to forget things because we can't ignore them and can't bear talking of them. Cut a tree at the roots and the whole thing comes down but not before some very serious rot sets in.”

This is what started it all. A tiny page of writing done at the blurry time of three am from my apartment in Seoul. The beginning of what I thought was a short story. Just four thousand words about a woman working for a memory company; interviewing possible clients, hearing their wishes for memory insertions and struggling to decide if she wants to go under the hypnosis knife.

I spent days thinking how I would fit such a huge concept into a small framework of words. Maybe I'd extend it into a long short story. Or write two and market them as serials. It took a long time for In Memorium to become the book length creation it now is. With this decision came a whole other side to the story: the woman's childhood, early adulthood, her disasters and pains. I wasn't going to have to deal with any of that in a short story but in a novel? You can't get away with throwing the audience into a life half lived already. Not unless you're Vonnegut and even he loves a thrilling bit of flashback. I'm not so keen on these. So my solutions were these: take away her past or turn her into a whole life. I'm always one for self punishment.

In truth I've already written 20 000 words of what I still wish to call In Memorium. My mum promised she would get the name of my first published novel tattooed on her back and when I told her the working title of this she seemed to go off the idea a little. I can't see how it would matter. My mum has never dressed as lamb so I don't see who would even get a glimpse of it apart from the mirror. But what of my 20 000 words? What of its characters? I want to talk about how I met them, guided them, was told off by them, let them go out on their own, everything that's happened since I started writing their world. So I'll start from the beginning. Which I think is quite enough for today. Next time I'll tell you their names.

Lara S.